GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Randomize
