5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
