In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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