No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
