question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
