my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
