so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
