I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
