Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
