I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
