Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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