I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Let's paint friendship bongs
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
