i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
