He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
