Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
