hotel room ftw
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Can I color on your dick again?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
