Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
