She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
