if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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