I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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