my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Randomize
