you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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