Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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