Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
