i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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