Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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