How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
