I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
