Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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