Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
