I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
My ATM looks so different sober.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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