He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
