There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
