I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
