yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
