i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
