you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
