I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
