My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
My feet surprised me
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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