very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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