i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
