One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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