just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
