i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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