Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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