it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
