No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
