At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Drunk is a universal language darling
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
