i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
