her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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