I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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