You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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