billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
