I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
