TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
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