Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
