Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I wish i was in the wii world.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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