Me. At least after what I've been through.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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